Bare with me tonight, I may be having a mid-twenties crisis…
I came home from work tonight in a funk. I felt exhausted and drained, yet like I accomplished NOTHING today. If I had this feeling every once in a while, it wouldn’t bother me too much, but the truth is, I’ve been feeling this way a lot lately. Basically it boils down to this: I don’t like my job. I’ve known this for a while and have been sort of passively looking for a new job, but I feel tied to my current company because they are paying for my Master’s degree and my practical side tells me it would be really really smart to finish the free degree and then go out and look for a new job. (I have no commitment to the company after graduation.)
Anyways, I can be a bit of a drama queen, but I just felt so…I don’t know…blue? bummed? funky? icky? I was sitting at a stoplight on my commute home and I realized it was a beautiful day- high 80s and bright sunshine. Normally a day like this would pep me right up (especially in September- gotta get ’em while they last!), but the funk stayed and I could feel Debbie Downer taking over. When I got home, I decided to do something about it. I changed into running clothes and hit the road. I decided that on this run, I would think about what I didn’t like about my job and what I was going to do about it…a little therapy session with myself.
I started off thinking about what I don’t like about my job and felt myself getting more and more down and my legs getting heavier and heavier. I decided instead to think about what activities (at work & outside of work) energize me the most. Since the opposite of drained/exhausted is energized, this seems like a good place to start. Here’s what I came up with:
- Last November, I planned and executed a full day’s worth of supplier meetings/info sessions to take place during a trade show. I took care of every.single.detail. and had the spreadsheet to prove it. I even worked to the last minute before I left to burn CD’s with info/presentations and design and print CD labels with our program’s logo and aircraft on it. When the day came, I woke up excited to get it started. I took charge of the day and the people involved- which involved a lot of engineers and managers much older and with more experience than me. I kept the day on track, on schedule, and productive. This day energized me. I worked my booty off, but loved it. And I didn’t even get hungry for lunch – which tells me I was really into what I was doing (I eventually grabbed something to eat around 2!).
- In general, I enjoy organizing things- events, files, people. Finding everything it’s own place and making it all fit together makes me feel productive.
- Sorority Recruitment (a.k.a. Rush). I should preface this by saying that I didn’t go to a big state school with 20+ sororities and sorority houses. I went to a medium sized private university with 5 sororities and no sorority houses. Recruitment took place in various large rooms/spaces around campus. It’s pretty much a marathon of meeting potential members, singing cheesy songs to the tune of other songs, talking, smiling, and being “on”. I always loved it. I think what I liked most was talking to the girls and telling them about something that was important to me, while getting to know them and helping them figure out where they wanted to fit in. (The actual deciding who would be given bids part was not so fun.) I just remember feeling so energized after each ‘party.’
I couldn’t really come up with much else from my current job…which is kinda the problem. So where does this take me? What kind of job should I look for? All through school I thought I would go into Public Relations (but I did not) and that’s what a lot of these things sound like. Event Planner? Admissions Counselor at a university? What else? Any ideas?
The route I ran tonight was a down & back, so I told myself at the turn, I would start to think about things I was thankful for. I need to keep things in perspective- if my biggest problem/stress is having a job that I don’t L-O-V-E, I’m really doing pretty well. I have a job. It pays well. I have a house and a wonderful husband. Even in my drama queen-state, I know that my life is quite good. I’m thankful for my legs that allow me to run, for beautiful days in September, for my supportive husband, for my awesome parents and sisters who have always set a good example for me, for my friends who I’ll be spending all weekend with, for a particular friend from college who has recently come back into my life to spread her positivity, for God’s green earth, for the food that I have never had to worry about putting on the table, for books that make me think, for my health that has never failed me, for God and His role in my life and whatever he sends my way.
Of course that’s just a start. Thinking about the good in my life truly perked me up and I decided to add one last loop to my run. This loop has a couple hills, and I was ready to tackle it today. As I was running up the first hill, a song that reminds me of ME and who I am came on my iPod. Recently, I dug out some old CD’s from high school and put them on my iPod. I listened to a lot of country in H.S., and listening to these songs takes me right back to those carefree days with my bestest friends and activities I loved. So anyways, “Ready to Run” by the Dixie Chicks was playing and I took off. I ran faster than I have in a looong time. Up the hill! Down the hill! Pounding out the flat! Then the song ended and I neededmoreDixieChicks!! I pulled off my iPod and found my way to “Wide Open Spaces”- the song that reminds me of exact moments in high school, driving around in my friends car, windows down, on the way to a football game or to Sonic for slushies. I sprinted sprinted sprinted till my heart was pounding and I could feel the air rushing into my lungs. It. felt. so. amazing.
Who needs a therapist when you have two legs, two feet, two shoes, millions of thoughts, and some good tunes?
Sorry for the ramble…I’m off to search for jobs.